CONNECTION CYCLES

We come into this world wired for deep connection, for family dependency. Bit by bit we are weaned into individuality and encouraged to develop independently. When we reach full adult sustainability we seek other deep connections in romantic relationships. We search for friendship connections. We seek professional connections. We develop community connections. We work to sustain family connections. We get validated through our connections; sustained, nourished and empowered. Our connections mirror our soul; they reflect back our deepest held values, some we may even not be consciously aware of. And we mirror others right back. It is a push and pull situation; a give and take, all the while nourishing the self at various levels of dependency. 

Then we leave!

Is it no wonder we feel cut off, alone and lonely in our expat journey! But bit by bit we replace our previous connections with new ones, ones that fit with our new living experience. These connections nourish our new mindset and way of living in a way our previous ones cannot – and never will. These mirror our new life, and we mirror them back. A completely new and distinct cycle of connection is formed, forged in the struggle for identity and belonging in a foreign environment. 

And so we have two distinct sets of connection, two distinct and sustainable ways of living, loving, empowerment, support and validation. But which is real? The one that you are now living. But from now on, each time you visit the other you will find a little something missing to a greater or lesser degree, and that is the essence of the other you have assimilated. You are, at once, more than when you were last here and too much of where you have been. You are the square peg and the round hole all at the same time. 

Yet, here, 1+1 still equals 1. It takes an understanding and compassionate person to fit two pairs of shoes at the one time.